Caring for Ourselves and Others in Uncertain Times
Hello friends, family, colleagues, clients, acquaintances. I truly hope this blog post finds all of you healthy, safe and coping as well as possible right now. As I write this, I, personally, am 10 days into a self-imposed quarantine at home with my family. I/we have gone out into nature for a few long hikes but I have not been out in public or spent any time with people outside of my immediate family. The thing that’s on my mind the most right now, is my own family unit and my own sanity so I thought I’d write about that, as I know so many of you are parents of children of all ages, trying to figure out how to navigate this new reality we’re in right now and needing to figure out how to parent in a ‘different’ way in some respects (at least that’s how I feel!).
First, I will tell anyone reading this what I’ve had to say to myself over and over in the past week, which is to be kind and patient with yourself. Note that I said ‘yourself’, not ‘your kids’ or ‘your spouse’ or ‘your dog’. I say this because we’re in territory most of us have never been in before which is difficult, needing to be ALL of: mom/dad, employee/earner, teacher, coach, tutor, band director, therapist, cook, cleaner, after school activity director, household tech support, should I go on?? I will say that, only 10 days in, this has brought me to my knees a few times already so if you feel this way, you’re not alone. In the midst of all this caretaking we have to do, there are our own fears and anxieties over this situation. We can’t deny that or sweep it under the rug. These are uncertain times and if we don’t acknowledge that, let ourselves feel it and move through it all, then it just grows and becomes something unmanageable. So, I thought I’d send out a few thoughts and resources on how to help you, parents/caregivers, care for yourselves so that you have the energy to be present and to care for your families. Also, know that as I write this I have shut myself in my bedroom and separated from my husband and 2 boys because I NEEDED to today, because this day was LONG, because I wasn’t showing up as my best self and I’m trying to practice what I preach!
A few things that have helped me and my family immensely this past week (TOP 5 SANITY SAVERS!):
GET OUTSIDE We hike daily. My boys frequently complain about it and sometimes I give in and let them skip it (if they’ve been playing outside a lot already) but this is an absolute must do for everyone. Rain or shine. I can’t emphasize enough how good this is for everyone but especially kiddos who just need to move. Walks, basketball, trampolines, scavenger hunts, pogo sticks, bike rides (keeping social distancing in mind), frisbee, just get some fresh air. It does wonders, even when they all started out complaining about it!
SET A SCHEDULE/ROUTINE (EVEN IF IT’S VERY LOOSE!) . I did this more for my own sanity than for my kids, though I also know my boys do better with routine. We created a general M-F schedule together (getting kids’ buy-in is helpful, if they’re old enough) that has some school time but a lot of outside time, reading time and creative time worked in there. I know schools are sending out work in different forms, with different expectations (which can be quite frustrating for parents right now!) so my goal is to have them working on ‘something’ sent from school each day. However, I’m not running a 7 hour school day (or anything close to that)! This is one area where I simply do my best and then try to ‘let it go’. I have 2 degrees in education and find it unbelievably challenging to ‘teach’ my own children so if you’re with me on that, know that it’s okay to ‘do your best and let the rest go!’ We don’t have to mimic a school day right now!!
LIMIT TIME READING NEWS/SOCIAL MEDIA Yes, we need to stay informed as this situation evolves but are we reading anything different from hour to hour or is a once/twice daily checkin sufficient to know what’s happening in our communities? Give yourself and your family a break from the news. It’s hard to stay connected and grounded with that information coming at you all day. Also, be mindful of where you’re getting your information and make sure it’s a credible source. Social media can often lead us astray.
MEDITATE/PRAY/GET QUIET This looks different to everyone but the idea is to take some time, each day, to try to quiet your mind. Can you focus just on your breath for 5 minutes? The sounds you hear? Your body sensations? Can you send love and good thoughts to people in your life or those fighting on the front lines right now?
PLAY/LAUGH/BE CREATIVE Whether you’re home with little ones, big ones, partners or flying solo, can you find some time in your day to have fun, to laugh, or to try something new? At the end of these long days, we often like to watch a family movie or show, go outside, play a board/card game or read together before bed. Is there a hobby you’ve always wanted to try (learn a language, instrument, paint, etc.)? I’m trying my hand at knitting (which is both a new creative endeavor and quite laughable!!). These are unprecedented times where we will be HOME for an undetermined length. Put some thought into what YOU can do to lift YOUR spirits and put a smile on YOUR face!
I realize some of you are still leaving the house to work and support our community (THANK YOU), some are balancing work from home with parenting and others may not be working right now but are caring for your family. Regardless of your situation, think about how you can care for yourself right now and take action on it.
A few resources that I’ve found particularly useful in this time:
Tenpercent.com - GREAT website (as well as App and podcast), with meditations and talks from amazing teachers in the meditation world. They are currently offering a FREE livestream meditation M-F at 3EST at tenpercent.com/live
Zoom/Google Hangouts/Facetime to STAY CONNECTED - Video conferencing has kept me connected with so many friends and family. I am so pleasantly surprised with how good I feel after a 45 minute video chat with a group of girlfriends or my siblings. Staying connected is so very important right now, even if you do have a houseful of people! This can also be a GREAT way to keep your kids connected. Facetime with grandma and grandpa! Let your older kiddos get on group chats with friends! They need the social connection as much as we do and it’s been equally amazing to see how it’s lifted my kids’ spirits as well.
Our church offered livestream services (via Zoom) this past weekend and that was a wonderful way to stay connected to that community. Check your different places of worship to see what they’re offering online right now. There may be an opportunity for you to connect online as well.
GIVING I know that people are in such different places right now. Some of you can continue to earn money and others cannot. For those of you who have the means, please consider donating money now to people or organizations who need it. There IS something you can do while staying home. Here are a few charitable options:
https://www.foodgatherers.org/ (food bank for Washtenaw County)
Charity Navigator (evaluates and lists charities so you know you’re giving to a reputable organization)
Heart to Heart International (provides necessary medicines and equipment to those working on the frontlines)
or
Help a family member, friend, colleague who needs financial support right now.
When I wake up in the morning, there is always that minute or two when I’m sort of between the worlds of wake and sleep. You can almost forget for a moment what’s happening. Then reality slowly seeps in. What helps me in those moments is to remember that we’re all in this together. I think about the ‘WE’ more than the ‘ME’. However, I also remember that taking care of ‘ME’ physically, emotionally and spiritually will help me be there for my children, husband, family, friends and clients.
Friends, take care of yourselves so that WE are able to care for one another. Remember that also means we have to social distance/stay at home and protect our critically needed healthcare workers on the frontline right now. We’ll get through this. Sending love and healing thoughts to every one of you!